As many of you know, my husband and I have been deep in this intentional time of growth and transition. We have been together for 25 years and like many couples, we found ourselves in some pretty mundane, co-dependent, hurtful patterns.
Now, I am a Fire type in the Chinese Elements, and I am a 7 in the Enneagram. That means that I am REALLY good at FUN and equally good at avoiding conflict and can sometimes struggle to make deep connections.
So I found myself in a position that meant really looking at my shit and being willing to say something about it. This was an excruciating decision for me, not just because I was about to hurt someone that I loved deeply but because I really don’t want to cause conflict. I would prefer we just smooth things over and go to Dollywood (#DollyforPresident) instead. And I had been doing that for years.
But it finally had gotten uncomfortable enough that it was time to create some change.
So I dug out my big girl panties from the bottom of my drawer (this process took me months by the way) and sat down with my hubby and told him that I thought I needed to move out. I felt confused about myself, our kids, our relationship, all of it.
It was one of the hardest things I have ever done in MY LIFE and I have been through some pretty tough shit.
This conversation required that I get completely vulnerable, show my deepest wounds and tender spots AND hurt someone else in the process. It would have been SOOO much easier to say these things if he were just an asshole and I could blame him for something and walk away. 7’s in their wounding tend to be runners and I was FEELING it!
But I kept my ass in it and I kept showing up as my most authentic, vulnerable, crazy-ass self.
It has been a year and a half since that moment. We have been deep in coaching together and doing some really intense work around aligning with our most authentic selves. We have had to be willing to COMPLETELY surrender our relationship and our wounds. Y’all it was what I imagine having to wear a wet diaper for too long is like. I mean GROSS! It was so uncomfortable and full of shit!
But here is the thing, every other blog, book, article, story I have read likes to give this shit a happy ending. Dig in, trust yourself, believe, stay committed to the process, and you get fucking rainbows and unicorns on the others. I call HORSE SHIT!
I am not going to say all of that!! What I am going to say is what we have realized is that we are SOUL mates. That no matter what as long as we keep showing up as our most authentic selves in full alignment with our Selves, then we can grow and move forward. All that work didn’t “fix” a problem so that we could just keep going as we used to. All that work created a totally new way of being together. One that requires leaving self-betrayal (on both sides) out to dry, and honors true honesty, which is a BITCH by the way. It is so much easier to just say it’s all good than to really create a space where it is.
So as spring brings a ton of vital energy into our worlds, I encourage you to look one more time (winter likes to force us to do this anyway), at what you are being asked to surrender COMPLETELY so that something new and vital can emerge?
Laura x